i hate the way my mother says she'll do something for me, or help me do something, and then she finds something better to do and completely way-lays the fact that she told me she would do it.
i understand that being 17 and unable to drive is a big problem. but, i rarely ask my mother for rides, because anytime i do she huffs and puffs and makes a big deal about it. so when i asked her to take me to laura's house about a week ago, she told me she would, said it wouldn't be a big deal. THEN she made plans with my aunt sherry. blew me off, told me to ask my grandpa, said she wasn't going to be "finished" in time. stupid stupid. i fucking HATE that. of course, my grandfather was more than willing to do it, but she can't do ANYTHING for me if it interferes with something she plans on doing, whether it was before or after i'd asked her.
today was ALSO miranda's birthday party. i asked my mother if she would take me, she said she would. then today, she popped up and said she had to come get me early from laura's b/c she had to get dressed. and i asked her what for, and she told me she was going out with my aunt sandy tonight. and i asked her if she was going to take me to miranda's, and she said 'if it's before 5 30.' miranda's party starts at 7. therefore, i'm not fucking GOING to the party. what the fuck? stupid stupid.
i know i have the fucking right to be angry. and ever since we moved into the new house, i've grown more and more impatient with her, and i've grown angrier and angrier with her. she home, but she isn't there. she doesn't talk to me, ever. and when i work my ass off, keeping the house clean, she makes the biggest deal about giving me a few dollars. on rare, once a blue moon occasions, my mother will get off her lazy ass and clean. but those are so rare that when they do happen, i'm dumbfounded and i'm unable to do anything, in which case she bitches at me. i honestly would prefer throttling her to anything else, but since i can't, i guess i'll stick with venting here on my livejournal.
in other news...
i feel a distancing of myself. a major distancing. i guess that's why i don't really talk to anyone anymore. all the people at school don't go out of their ways to talk to me. in art, even though i work with "friends," i have to be honest, i never talk to them. and they don't try talking to me. ever. in class, no one bothers to talk to me, ever. i mean, it's not like it bothers me, it just makes me wonder. i think the only class anyone goes out of their way to talk to me in is algebra and homeroom. these are people i've grown up with for 6 years, you would think they would talk to me, but they don't. i try talking to them, but i'm not a 17 year old girl trapped with an 8th graders mind. a lot of THEM are. their idea of fun is video games and myspace. and hell, i don't even know what my idea of fun is.
i think i've failed the life test.